That time of the year
Christmas, bah humbug. It really is that time of the year again. How can a year go by so fast? Zoom!
Dad has been gone over a year and I still don't feel I have really mourned. I think I am still numb because I have not felt much of anything for a long time. I feel more now than I did and I thank my doctor for that. It is a miracle what medicine can do! I never used to believe in pills, avoided them if possible. Rarely even took aspirin for fear of what it would or could do. Now I take many and they are really helping me cope. Now if I could just find one that would make me not eat too much or often! lol. The "diet" pills that I have tried just made my throat scratchy and my stomach feel like I was going to throw up. That or some other weird result, never any weight loss. I have struggled with my weight since I was ten years old. My goodness, I have really wandered off task here, lol.
I was going to write about Christmas. So back to it. I don't remember ever "wanting" much for the holiday because I began to come to the conclusion that "Santa" was never going to bring me what I really wanted. The funny thing is, I accepted that. We all did. We were always happy with whatever we got, no matter what. Just getting something was something. It reminds me of Little House on the Prairie when the girls got an orange and a candy cane. That was IT! And, I might add, they were ecstatic to get that! Reading that book series really did help me in many ways. I read it when the girls were about the same ages as the girls in the books. I devoured that series and it was a very simple, easy read. I was through a book very quickly ready for the next one. I had purchased the books at garage sales or book sales. I look back at the years that the girls were preteens and wonder how they all put up with my antics then. I don't know if they were aware of what I was like or not. I just remember on Lacey's 14th birthday I wanted to just cry. Perhaps I even did a bit. My babies were growing up. I was worn out from being a mother. It truly is a much harder job than anticipated, with no days off and going on forever. Would I change anything now? I would have been kinder. I would have seen the altercations from a different point of view. I would yell much less. Hug much more. appreciate how good they were much more. Exercise much more. Enjoy their company just being together much more. Do I have any regrets? NO. I might even have had one more child in the hopes of balancing the scales a little bit more. Two pairs of children would possibly have gotten along better than three of a kind? lol. (What am I crazy for typing this? Yeppers, little bit.)
This was going to be a story about Christmas! Ok, back to it. Our family did not really do a whole lot of big celebrations as we got older. We had moved to Iowa and were so busy in school that it seems like the Celebrations kind of faded away. Mom had a teaching job and was focused on that as she should be. She always had nice things going, don't get me wrong. She loved Christmas. She did what she could and that was nice. I sometimes get on a downward gripe about how she did things, but now that I have reached the other side of it, (life) I truly do get it.
We don't have very many photos of Christmas time either. Photos weren't priorities at the time. There are enough to help us remember, and that is great. I remember one year when we were still in Missouri and I had been sick, but was enough better to go to Grandma and Grandpa's house for the day. I had on this great big pants suit that was huge. The legs were like airplane wings and swooshed when I walked in them. It was like dancing with my pants, lol. That was when poloroid pictures were new and we were just like the rest and had lots of them. The photos are very small and seem kind of
non-descript now. Not only was the suit big, it was bright red and had yellow flowers all ove it! It was quite gaudy. Yet, I really did love wearing it! I had my first pixie haircut then and loved that too!
Grandma and Grandpa really spoiled us when we would stay at their house. Grandpa would make us
